JD Stewart MD (magic dude)

Author: JD Stewart

  • Dealing with Unfair Criticism

    Responding calmly and rationally to unwarranted criticism

    Recently I was leading a discussion over how to teach fairly some complicated concepts. When all of a sudden the individual on my left burst out in anger with accusations about my motives which were completely untrue. All eyes were on me. What would I say? How would I react? I am proud to say I followed the step below and came out of the assault unscathed.

    You may have experienced something similar. Maybe you gave a presentation at work, outlining a new marketing plan, or an idea for a new product. You think all is going well when one of the participants delivers a scathing critique. Each point you believe is either completely incorrect or a simple misunderstanding of your position. Everyone one now looking at you. What will you say? How will you react?

    How you react in these situations have a tremendous impact on your career and relationships not only with the one who has attacked you but, if there are witnesses, every one who witnesses the attack and everyone who hear about the exchange.

    When you are unjustly criticized emotions run high and therefore it is not the best idea to trust your instincts. Your initial reaction has the largest impact on how things will turn out. It alone has the ability to make things better or worse. Here is my recommendation on how to fight against the urge to strike out.

    1: Remain calm
    The most important thing to do is remain calm. Remaining calm and respectful, particularly if the other party does not, will help defuse the situation and can even rally support. Give the impression of taking the comments thoughtfully and respectfully. Even if they are blatantly false. Ask why does this person thinks you are such and such or you have done such and such. Regardless of how off base and vicious the attack, the attacker believes they are justified in the attack. Try to find out why?

    When we receive negative criticism anger or feelings of inadequacy well up in us. If we expressing these emotions we only dig ourselves a deeper into a hole from which we may not be able to crawl. Have your response be courtesy and take the higher ground. So just pause, taking couple of deep, quiet breaths through your nose will help calm you down.

    2: Asked to have the point repeated or clarified
    Give yourself some time to think. You do not have to develop a response on the spot. One way to get some time is simply to calmly repeat the criticism back to the individual in your own words. And then ask if you understand correctly. Make eye contact and in a non-aggressive non-threatening tone, say: “So, if I understand your correctly you’re saying…,” and put his criticisms in your words. The goal is to take the focus off of personalities, and place it on the issue at hand.

    When you put the criticism in your own words, do so accurately, do not over state you case. Simply reword the point to the best of your ability. If he claims your proposal will not bring the results you are claiming. Do not say “So what you are saying is this will destroy the company.” Exaggerating the criticism will make you appear defensive and looking for a fight – rather than being the cool, calm and rational one.

    If you do not understand the point or can not make the connects your assailant is making. Simply asking for more information can help A simple question,”Can you tell me more,” works wonders. If what is being said is truly ridiculous. He may sudden realize he is in an untenable situation.

    The goal is to take the focus off of you and your reaction and put it on the his criticisms.

    3: Examine both perspectives
    The goal is not to have either one of you leave bloody and beaten the goal is to identify and address the issue. So once you have taken the focus off of the personalities place the focus squarely on the issue at hand. This is a good time to open a real discussion of the critique. Depending on the situation you can start off with phrases like: “I can see how you might get that idea, I probably haven’t properly explained that;” “I understand what you are saying and that is why…;” “That an interesting perspective. I understand how you feel.” The idea is to establish a rapport  and showing respect is key even if you have not been shown any. Once you have demonstrated respect give him the opportunity to return the favor.

    4: Politely Move on
    Even in the best of worlds with the best of tactics, things do not always work out like we would like to have them work out. You can have executed the first three steps flawlessly and you are at an impasse. You have remained calm and demonstrated respect, as you reworded the criticism in your own words. You have calmly and without shame shown you understand their perspective. Even after all this your critic holds firm. This is time for a graceful exit. You can say some thing like: “That’s certainly something to think about going forward;” “I appreciate the feedback;” “We definitely aught to consider that in the next version.” You have just positioned yourself as someone who is genuinely trying to do the best job possible. It also places the focus on the future actions and allow you to move on.

  • Fixing Communication Problems in the Workplace

    Just because we speak the same language does not mean we understand what we each other is saying. Let me give an example from my childhood. When I was in the 5th grade, I had a teacher try to teach us about rocks and geology. For a project everyone in the class had to build a rock collection. One day, I found a rock but could not identify it. So I asked my teacher what it was. She said, “It’s nice. Keep it.”

    I did not understand. “OK, but what is it?”

    “It’s nice. Keep it.”

    “But what is it?”

    The rest of the class started laughing.

    She was starting to get exasperated, “It nice. Keep it!”

    I too was frustrated. I understood it was a nice rock. And she wanted me to keep it. That meant I needed to put it in my rock collection. I also knew my collection would be marked down if every rock was not labelled. I thought maybe I could just throw it away. But she had already seen it and told me to keep it. So I could not just throw it away. I was stuck. So I asked again even more emphatically, “But what is it?”

    She finally reached the conclusion I was not going to get it. She said, “Just keep it.” And walked away.

    Later I realized she was saying, “gneiss,” not “nice.” Both are pronounced the same.

    This is a classic example of saying what you mean but not communicating. Simply repeating the same words to each other was not helping us communicate. It simply created frustration.

    Language is an imperfect tool. Just because something it is plainly stated does not mean it is plainly understood. And without understanding there is no communication.

    Problems in communication are costly to any business or enterprise. Without efficient communication, your company expends time, and money, which could and should be used for more productive activities, fixing problems. I am going to share a technique that has worked well for me in avoiding communication problems.

    A few years ago I had a friend who could not understand why he would have these long conversations with his boss and agree on a course of action. He would then execute what was agreed upon only to later have another discussion with his boss as to why what was agreed to was not done. The problem was while there was agreement there was not understanding. There was no true communication. Here is what I suggested to my friend that solved the problem. At strategic moments in the conversation when understanding is important repeat back what you understood the other person to say. This needs to be done in your own words with your interpretation of what was said, not simply what was said,  What you are trying to do is communicate the meaning of what was said.

    I cannot tell you how many times this techniques has saved my bacon. When I start working with a new person my conversation goes something like this. “Let me tell you what I heard you say. I am not saying this is what you said, simply what I understood you to say….”

    Give it a try. I think you will be delighted with the results.

  • Use Best Practices if You Want to be Average

    There I was sitting in a boring meeting. My mind started to wander. I thought, “Who else in my industry goes to these types of meetings? Who else is doing what I do to try to build their business? No one!” My first reaction was, “Well since no one does it, it obviously is not a good use of my time either.” Then I remembered what I preach all the time. “The best you can hope for following best practices is being average.” I certainly have no desire to be average. In fact, I only want to only see average in my rear view mirror. That means I must do things others do not. That means I must try things that other think are risky. That means I must be willing to fail. Only by being willing to try the something different can I hope to be more than average. Have I failed in the past? You bet! Will I fail in the future? I hope so. Because it is only through failure that I can uncover something that is truly valuable to my family, my clients and myself. I then create new best practices and then improve on them. By continually recreating best practices I add value to my clients and stay ahead of my competition.

    If you want to be more than average avoid industry best practices and continually re-invent your own.

  • Sometimes you get what you ask for

    As I mentioned in my previous post, last weekend I was performing at the Doc Seaton Street Magic Side Show during Austin’s Pecan Street Festival. This is the first time I had ever performed Street magic or done any type of busking. (more on busking later) There were several opportunities to perform and one was on the main stage. I had been given several time slots on the main stage. One of the routines I did was a chain escape. It is suppose to be humorous escape. But the last performance I had a first time experience. At the start of the routine I talk about how Houdini would have people bring their own chains and locks. That way everyone would know they weren’t gimmicked. I then ask,”Okay who brought the chain?” There usually is no reaction and so I say “Yeah that rarely happens in my show” It usually get a small laugh. But this time when I asked “Okay who brought the chain?” A biker in the back yells “I did.” He had this big long chain attached to his wallet. I was not sure it would work. So I was playing with it. It was barely long enough. I looked at the biker and said, “I am not sure this will work. Is it a real chain?” He responds, “Yeah I made it myself.” Then a magician friend of mine, who was sitting on the front row, yells, “Go for it.” Thanks Chris! So I pull out my lock and the links in the chain are too small to have the lock go though it. I am now thinking I am out of this awkward situation a young girl suddenly tosses a small lock onto the stage. There is now no where to go! They chain me up. I complete the routine with all the comedy bits thrown in plus some obvious extras. Everyone was amazed I escaped. But not as amazed as I was that I actually had a lock and chain from the audience. Houdini, eat your heart out!

  • A lesson in gratitude

    Sunday, I was performing street magic at the Pecan Street Festival in Austin. This was in conjunction with the Doc Seaton Magic Side Show. This was also my first time performing street magic. I had just finished a set, when a lady came up to me and said I was the best magician she had seen all day. Then she gave me a 10 cent tip. (two nickels). I smiled and thanked her. Later, I was tell this story to some friends and we were all laughing about how I was the best but only worth 10 cents. Then all of a sudden my friend Ray Anderson stops laughing and say, “That may have been a lot of money to her.”

    My mind immediately went to the story in the bible where Jesus commented that the window who gave only two small coins had given more than all the rich people. They gave out of their surplus and she gave out of her poverty.

    Thanks Ray for putting this in the proper context for me.